As of late I have been toying with the idea of starting therapy. Why….well I feel there are a lot of past traumas that still hold me back.

It’s hard to talk about stuff that happened in the past or even currently with those around me. Everyone has their own ideals of what they feel transpired during these times. Are they wrong…am I?

In the moments where I did express my thoughts or my feelings about situations that arose, it was met with anger, it was met with that I was overthinking or that was not what happened. So, I learned to shut down, to not express what I was thinking or how I was feeling when things happened. Which honestly is not healthy, I am entitled to my own feelings and thoughts.

I like to say often that if I truly expressed what I was thinking or feeling at any particular moment, people would not like me very much. I am sick of walking on eggshells with those around me. I’ve been doing it for so long that I feel exhausted most days. Exhausted from keeping up the facade or trying to fade into the background, so as not to be seen.

I want to be seen, I want to be heard, and I want to feel that my thoughts and feelings are valid. If everyone else’s thoughts and feelings are valid, then so are mine.

They say there is always two sides to every story, but in my life in all the instances it seemed like there was only ever one side and it was never mine.

Imagine if most of your life someone always took the other person’s side or their own. How would you feel?