Since starting therapy, I have been trying to make a shift. A shift in how I react, how I approach things. I spent most of my life sweeping things under the rug, never addressing the elephant in the room. Walking away from arguments to save face…being silent, just so it would go away.

But in reality, it never goes away…it boils and festers until eventually it pops and you lose complete control. Why should I have to stay silent? So, others cannot see the flaws in themselves and the vicious cycle continues.

What purpose does that serve? It certainly does not serve me, because all it adds is additional stress that I do not need and more to the years of resentment that has built up.

Do I think that these people who continue down this path are bad people…no. Do I think that they are doing the best that they can….most of the time yes. But if we are unable to have open, honest communication, then in all honesty we will never truly find resolution.

The cycle will continue. It forces me to stuff my feelings in a box, to keep silent and I am sick of silence.

I was told countless times growing up that I needed to grow a spine, but funny when I try and speak up, I am instantly forced to shut up.

In little ways I have found my voice, in ways that I can control. I spoke up at work for something that I wanted, so as to put it in motion, but also so that they knew I wanted it.

If I have learned anything in therapy, I can only control me, my reactions, my tone in how I speak. I have no control over how others react, so for now my best option is to stay silent…maybe from my silence those that try to stifle my voice will learn to give me the opportunity to speak.