I have mixed emotions about the many bike rides I went on this summer. I hadn’t been on a bike since I was a kid and most certainly had not ridden the trails.

The scenery was by far my favorite part. Enjoying the fresh air, sun and surrounded by trees. On many of the trails there were moments that you got to see nature at its finest, experiencing the many animals that you don’t get to see, while living the city life.

I clocked over 100 miles on the bike over the course of the summer. And you think I would be proud…in someways I am, but that was clouded in many moments of how I was made to feel on these bike rides.

I already suffer at times with not feeling good enough, fast enough, strong enough. These rides were long, the longest I had ever been on a bike. In many ways, I pushed my body in a way that it had not been pushed before. Most of the rides were 20 miles on terrain that I was unfamiliar with and that made me uncertain of myself. But I trekked on with the knowing that I could say that I accomplished something that I had not done before.

It took me longer than some would think to complete to these miles, most rides were 3 hours long. In my head, I was a new rider, I had not been riding for years, so the sheer fact that I had ridden 20 miles was an accomplishment in itself.

Imagine feeling proud of yourself, only for it to be snatched away, by someone making you feel like you should not take that long to ride 20 miles…your time window should be shorter. How do we determine what it should and shouldn’t take anyone to accomplish anything? Especially if for you it is stepping outside of your comfort zone.

I am not out to train for the Tour de France. I was just a girl out in nature, enjoying the trail and with it getting some healthy movement in.

The other thing about these trails is that in many instances there were bridges, some flat, but many with steep inclines and declines.

I am terrified of heights and the thought of going over them on two wheels only intensified that fear. The first bridge I did was 60 feet up, but flat. Was I scared, absolutely, but I did cross it on the bike. The second two both crossed over roads and had steep inclines and declines. These two factors along with the sound of the traffic, made me freeze. I crossed by bridges, but by walking across, which I will consider a win, because I could have in all honesty turned right back around.

It was in these moments that I was made to feel as if my fear was not rationale or it wasn’t that bad. But maybe it’s not that bad to someone who doesn’t have the fear.

All in all I am proud of the over a 100 miles that I rode, the stepping outside my comfort zone, the crossing bridges even if I was scared and had to get off and walk. I just wish at the end of the day that the accomplishment had been tainted by the feelings of someone else.