Can you pinpoint that moment in time, when you realized that your dreams were never going to come to fruition? I can….it’s a moment that I can’t seem to let go of.

Growing up I always struggled with self-esteem issues. It didn’t help the hurtful words thrown at me, telling me I was ugly, being fluffed off as boys being boys.

In middle school we did this project call Voyage of the Mimi, I loved it minus the dissecting an animal part. During that project, I had made up my mind that I wanted to become a Marine Biologist, move to Florida and work at SeaWorld. I was so excited and told someone, I am going to let that person remain anonymous. Their response still echoing in my mind, they couldn’t see me working with people let alone animals. I was crushed. What I heard in that moment was that I wasn’t good enough and that I would never be good enough. And I have struggled ever since.

Words carry a lot of weight and power…to some degree I understand that I have the power to let it go, but for whatever reason, I can’t.

I have had other dreams over the years, wanting to become a Writer and still do, but no matter if people tell me I am good enough, I don’t feel it. I feel all these years that my life has been stuck in park, while others got to go out and live theirs.

When will it be my turn? When do I get to feel like I accomplished something? When will I feel good enough, pretty enough, or worthy enough? Because right now, I feel none of those things. I feel as though all those BIG dreams that I dreamed, are just that dreams, lost in dreamland.